Too Far Gone
Life, understanding, and time - possibly the worst-used combination in the history of mankind.
Why is it that it is too late in life before anyone realizes anything? And by "anything" I mean... why does someone need to go through 14 bad relationship before they figure out how to gain self-esteem... why do you realize how to manage money after all you had is gone... why do you realize that you should of after you can't.
Too little and too late is how the saying goes, and it is true. People put too little effort into self-discovery and self-education; and to make it worse, it is after the damage has been done.
High school is wasted in ignorance. You don't understand the value of the time wasted until well after graduation. The list of things that you would have done had you known what you know now is miles long. The sports you would have tried, the people you would have talked to, and the kiss that you would have taken.
This cycle of minor-regrets and moments-missed continues until death for most people. Not an unbearable burden, but it is that place you drift off to. That things you wonder about. The dreams that keep you from living in the current moment.
So now, right now, we know... we know that before our head hits the pillow tonight; we will have not done something. And if we think about it, we already know what it is.
Do we choose to let our life slip away in moments and years? Or do we lazily accept fate's random path?
Why would I choose regret? Why would I want to dwell on the things that I should have done? I don't know why. I almost don't care why. I just know that I don't want this cycle. I don't want to look back on my life when I am 80 and even have "I should have" in my mind. I don't want to have it in my mind at age 30.
So, I know what I don't want. What do I want? And more importantly, am I going to choose to get it? Do I care enough about me to give myself what I want? Can I ignore the self-doubt and the eyes that I feel are holding me back?
I don't know.