Mercury State

The Best Yet

This is the best blog post that I have read as of yet. It was originally posted here. I am posting it here because I think it is great... and because I agree.

I do not understand why so many guys out there are dirty whores and why so many girls are sluts. I mean what happened to self-respect? It seems all guys want is to get laid...They act like if they don't get laid, their penis is going to shrivel up and die and their balls are going to fall off. Are there *any* guys out there who actually want to wait and have sex when they're in love w/someone or when their married to someone, instead of 1 or 2 months into a relationship?? And why are girls giving it up? Don't they understand that they have the power in any sexual relationship? I'm not trying to be all feminist, but it is true. Women have *ALL* of the power...they can say yes or no...and they say yes. I'm sure some women are horny just like men...and some have no self-respect, and some think that the only way they can be loved is through sex (I think some men think this as well).

If/When I find someone I'd like them to be a virgin, but if they're not, I certainly don't want a list of sexual partners. This just disturbs me...in the last few weeks of school last semester, I found out that a lot of the people on my floor, guys and girls, had partaked in making out, oral sex and/or just sex with eachother...and immediately lost respect for a lot of people. All of these people were 17-20 years old. I just don't understand the mindset...what happened to virginity being something special? What happened to saving it for someone you love? There were girls that would complain about being virgins and I was shocked by that...I mean what is so wrong w/being a virgin? It's nothing be ashamed of. I don't care that I'm a virgin...rather be a virgin than have sex w/someone I didn't even care about. I had a friend who basically told me he wanted nothing to do with me because I wouldn't put out and I told him to go to hell. What the fuck is that?

And that is another thing...am I destined not to have someone because I won't put out? Am I destined to be alone because I am not as beautiful as other girls? Yeah, let's start the second part of this rant...I hate how superficial people are. I mean new people try to talk to me online and they immediately want to know what I look like...I mean is how I tell you I look going to determine whether or not you talk to me?? There have been more than a few times that I start talking to a guy and he immediately wants to see a picture of me. I never send one right away...I wait to see if I like who I am talking to, etc. So we talk for a while and I am a great person with this great personality and I'm hot because I have blonde hair, blue eyes and I'm from CA and just when I think this person isn't superficial, I show a picture and bam, he's gone. How fucked up is that? I usually try not to let it bother me because it's their loss and I don't need someone like that in my life, on any level, but that doesn't deny the fact that it hurts, ya know? I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't mind having a significant other who was good looking (according to my friends my taste is something to be desired anyways, but still...), but it's not all that matters. If I meet a guy and I don't find him that attractive and I get to know him and he's a great person, he becomes attractive to me..I don't care about how tall you are, I don't care about your weight. If I meet a guy who I find attractive or hot and he turns out to be an ass, he's not so hot...

I just wish other people could be like this. Sadly, if I were real attractive, I probably wouldn't be writing this right now. It's just, god, so what if I'm not as attractive as other girls? Are you seriously going to pass up what could be a good friendship and maybe even a relationship because I am not a nice piece of ass?? Damn, this is hard for me to write.....people wonder why I always say that I'm going to wind up alone in life or they wonder why I am so afraid of being alone. Well, forgive me if I am convinced that because I am not as attractive and I am not easy, I will not have anyone.

I do think there is a guy (or guys) out there who doesn't care about this shit, but they're probably taken...or they don't want a relationship, or their gay....or maybe there is a distance between us...or maybe there's baggage...or they just quit talking to you out of nowhere. I don't know...it frustrates me. I am a good person...I think I have a lot to offer someone, but no one gives me a chance...and that hurts.

Posted by Merc at 2:58 PM

Less Stress

I have a lot to do... both at work and personal projects. Life must be pretty good because I am not stressed at all. Usually, I would be stressing over the pile I have to do... but I am just hacking away at it without a worry. Nice change. Very nice change.

Posted by Merc at 12:34 PM

13 Step Program

Day thirteen, and I am just about in good health. I slept for 11 hours last night... HARD.

It was the weekend of family reunions. I had mine and my wife had hers. We spent Saturday at mine and Sunday at hers. Hers was actually on Saturday... so she was a good sport for hanging out with my crazy family. Both went well.

Posted by Merc at 8:51 AM

Flowing

The head cold is in full-swing now. I am sneezing or coughing every five minutes... and can be seen with a Kleenex on my nose for most of the day.

The drama at work has been resolved... time to go home and take a nap.

Posted by Merc at 5:19 PM

More Better

Not quite back to good health, but sure coming a lot closer. I can eat normal food... which is nice. I still get a bit woosie... and I think I have a bit of a head cold kinda thing.

Posted by Merc at 11:15 AM

Getting Better

I am getting better... I start feel pretty good in the evenings. The mornings are the hardest. Yup, I am feeling crappy again.

Posted by Merc at 7:05 AM

Flew

I flew therefore I have the flu. It has been three days of struggling not to puke. This has been creating major delays in my productivity... which pains me more than being ill.

Posted by Merc at 1:09 PM

Back In The States

I am back and happy to be. I had a few issues getting into Canada this time. I honestly thought they were going to send me back. The passed me through, but I have to be out by the 19th... or they were going to kick me out.

It was a good trip minus the start. Everything went smooth. Got thing running pretty quickly. Just did a lot of testing.

I spent an insane amount of time at airport... which will drive anyone nuts.

Posted by Merc at 11:48 AM

What is the reboot?

Well, the goal was to redesign and add a new code base to all the listed sites within a week. But what happened is my company is sending me off to Canada for a week. Before I was informed of this I pulled down all the sites and started the new code base. Since all the sites share a common structure now, I was able to put most of them back online with a common design.

July 21st is the official relaunch day for all sites.

Posted by Merc at 1:01 PM

Maybe Something

I feel like doing something... just might.

Posted by Merc at 3:42 PM

Second Draft

Harder than I thought. I have discovered an obsessive need that I have to complete whatever is before me in a single sitting... assuming it is not a giant project. I started to draw something last night... and decided to finish it in the morning. I got an uneasy feeling... and had to finish up the drawing before sleeping.

Since I am paying attention to my first-draft habit, I thought back on other projects and noticed that I did the same sorta thing with the same sorta feeling.

This habit will be harder to break than originally thought.

Posted by Merc at 11:45 AM

First Draft

I was reading a book last night, and there was a chapter about first drafts. The book simply states that they are never good. This has me a bit concerned. I rarely get past the first draft on anything that I create. Whether it is a design or an e-mail message, the first draft is the final draft.

At first, I was a bit insulted... my stuff is good. People seems to like my first drafts. First drafts must not be that bad, right?

Then... it dawned on me that I am never really happy with my own creations. I usually claim that I had too little time to work on them... or that I am picky, but I am now thinking that my first drafts should not be released.

It kills me to think that something may get delayed a day or two. I like the instant gratification that digital creation gives, but just maybe I love it more than putting out the best product possible.

I just don't like the thought that I have not been putting out my best. It seems pretty lame. Time for a change in work habit.

Posted by Merc at 4:30 PM

Swank

The day is flying by... and that is great news for a Monday. Everything at work seems to be working fine at the moment. Smooth sailing.

I got more then enough sleep this weekend. I think I have been a bit light on the rest for quite some time.

Went to the beach... and I am out of shape. I played a little Frisbee and I was sore. I think I am going to have visit the beach more often... better than actually working out.

Posted by Merc at 11:59 AM

Intergress

It is coming.

The PHP script for writing to a file is complete... and works as well. I finished it up last night. I was pretty stoked even though it really does not do much.

Oh... and happy Fourth of July.

Posted by Merc at 11:31 AM

Almost

I had a moment of insanity. I almost installed Netscape 7.1. Fortunately, my click to install turned into a drag to the trash. Why would I even download Netscape... I don't even know.

Good news: I got my data aware template working. It appears that I was linking directly to the data source when I should have been linking to the data source alias. Who would have thought?

Posted by Merc at 3:40 PM

Day Three

It is the third day of trying to get a data aware template working. Every time that I think I am close... I am not. Getting a little frustrating... I am missing some core concept.

If it gets any hotter in SoCal... I just might have to visit AZ to cool off. A high of 81 with humidity at 75%... nasty day.

Posted by Merc at 9:06 AM

Struggles

Current thing that I am toying with is a PHP script that will write to a file... then have the file included and displayed for the web. Sounds simple, right? Yeah, I don't think so either. It is not going bad, but it sure is not going fast. I spend about 40 minutes this morning working on it. I have not even finished writing the script, so no testing as of yet.

I am going to be using this PHP script for two things to start. First, I am going to be using it for a new feature at Solbeam.com called SolTracker. It is will just be a text file with the location of where she is on the planet. Simple, but nifty. Second, I will be using it on my site to help keep track of various things... it will be a running log.

Posted by Merc at 8:15 AM

Projected

At the rate I come up with projects, I project that I will be 153 years old before I finish everything... and that is if I stop coming up with ideas when I am 30. I figure I have several options: a) live to be 154 or older, b) employ children to do all my work, c) stop having ideas, d) work faster and live to be 101, e) seek massive amounts of therapy.

Posted by Merc at 8:40 AM