I was wrong. I messed up. I failed.
I have made some very bad decisions over the last two years... and now I have to pay for all of them. I still do not want to go over the embarassing details of my foolishness. Just know that things are bad... very bad.
My plan was to take a break (from the web) and use the time to get things put back together. It is too late for that. I have sat and pondered... and that was about all I could do... it has all been done, and I just get to live with it now. So...
I have to use every effort I have to 'stay afloat'... mentally, physically, and finacially. I don't know if my mindless ramblings help another soul on earth; however, I know the ten minutes I sit here and reflect, ponder, and write... those minutes help me. So the break is over... and I am going to keep on going until I go insane, drop dead, or can no longer afford 'my place' on the internet.
Warning: It is going to be more mercurial than normal from this point out. There is more than I can mention happening in my life... and I just cannot decide how to feel at any given moment. There are far too many things that I could feel.
Right now, I am feeling the bruises of my failure and disappointment in myself... and facing the fear and excitement of moving on in my life. I have come a long way, but I have a longer way to go... and I hope to get 'there' with a scrap of me still living.