Mercury State

January 28, 2001

My life is broken. It is just not working right. I am not where I should be. I am not doing as well as I should be. I am not being the person that I could or should be. I am drowning in my own sea of failure with no land in sight. I hate this feeling. It makes me sleepy. I could sleep for months and months. I want nothing more than to vaporize into nothing... just be free and float away for a while.

Since vaporizing is not an option or a fix to the problem.... guess what? I am going to pull out the duct tape. If I am made of nothing other than duct tape at the end... well, at least I will still be here.

It is such an odd feeling to look around and see people who are worse off in almost every way. And yet, I feel like a total failure.

Failure. That is a painful word to read... and a more painful feeling to have.

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